The High Cost of “Polite” Leadership: Why Silence is Unkind.

We’ve been taught that being a “good” leader means staying calm and keeping the peace. But in change management, “keeping the peace” often means withholding information. Neurologically, that isn’t polite—it’s a threat.

Most leaders think they are protecting their team during change by staying quiet until “all the details are finalized.” They believe they are being “nice.” I have heard many leaders say: “I don’t want to overload my team with more change.” Actually? They are triggering a biological threat response.

When you withhold information during a reorganization or a pivot, you aren’t “protecting” your people—you are starving their brains of Certainty. According to the SCARF Model, the brain processes a lack of information the same way it processes a physical blow to the stomach.

The Provocative Truth: If you don’t lead with radical fairness and kindness, your team isn’t “resisting” your vision. They are physically unable to process it. When a leader is abrupt, secretive, or unfair:

1. The Amygdala hijacks the brain.

2. The Prefrontal Cortex (logic center) goes dark.

3. Collaboration and creativity vanish.

You haven’t lost your “A-players.” You’ve just put their nervous systems into survival mode.

The Shift: Kindness in change isn’t about soft words or pizza parties. It’s about feeding the brain’s need for Certainty, Autonomy, and Fairness. If you can’t lead with kindness, you aren’t “driving results”—you’re just driving your best people toward the exit.

Why address this topic? With over 20 years of experience leading enterprise-wide change, I have observed million-dollar strategies fail when the human element is neglected. As a PhD in Business Organizational Management and a Certified Change Management Professional (CCMP), I am committed to bridging the gap between technical execution and the psychology of adoption. Having coached hundreds of change agents and senior leaders, I have found that the data consistently demonstrate that kindness is a biological requirement for high performance.

Part 1 of 6: The Biology of Change. This month, I am launching a six-part  Keeping Kind in Mind Series to help Lead Change with Kindness. The series will examine models that demonstrate why a culture of kindness is essential for accelerating organizational transition. My next topic in February: Kim Scott’s Radical Candor & Radical Respect. Her model work is defined by two axes: Caring Personally and Challenging Directly.